I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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