All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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