The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
