so explain again why im purple
no
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
