hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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