4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
