I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
