I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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