So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
