I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
