his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize