why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
