If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I look better un-naked...
I'm passing your future prison.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I want a musical about memes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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