There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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