I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
