Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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