So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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