By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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