never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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