i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
