wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
