I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This house was built for laser tag.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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