Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
