Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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