So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
