how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
