I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize