If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
