i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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