he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
