so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize