Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
