It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
