So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize