you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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