there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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