The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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