Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
