umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
