Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
