i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize