We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
