I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
