I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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