You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize