i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
MIDGETS
????
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
