Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
