Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
