I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
