Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
