you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
