I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
