Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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