That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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