May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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