She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
