My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
