his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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