U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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