he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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