Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
