508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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