Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
only if we run a train.
done.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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