Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
