you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
