what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
