i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
