Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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