so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
