theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
