Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
