Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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