you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
