and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
