if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
