the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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