It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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