is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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