Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
