sarcasm needs its own font
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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