I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
