She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
from now on my penis is your penis
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
it glows. i had to have it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
