we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
