i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Text me some of your sweat
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