shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
