I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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