so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
