does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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