I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
