I love black thongs
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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