I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
