Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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