Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
