So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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