Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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