omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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