Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
