i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
