Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Welp...herpes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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