Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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