I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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