just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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