Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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