He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
