great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
