New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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