I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
