Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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