apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
