i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
