As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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