she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
