You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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