To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
