So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
