people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
