she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
