I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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