u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
