Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
this hospital has no fireball
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A bitchslap is in order.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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